Good Grief, It’s Almost Halloween

My son’s first awareness of Halloween came from watching the Peanuts television special, which he loves.  But his love for Halloween itself has come more slowly.

When he was four years old, we took Kai trick-or-treating for the first time. Because he loved numbers, we dressed him up as The Count from Sesame Street. 

After just three houses, he said that he wanted to go home.  Interacting with people was really hard for him, and even though it was my wife and I who rang the doorbells and said “tricks or treat,” the whole thing was too much for him.

Boy of Mystery

The next year, he was much more excited. He even told us what he wanted to be for Halloween.

With his love of letters, it was not a surprise that the first time he expressed a preference, Kai would want to be a letter – the letter Q.

We realized that it was an unusual choice, but we wanted to him to be happy. So my wife, who really does not like to sew, made the coolest costume for him – a satin black vest and a matching cape with a shiny red Q on the front and a question mark on the back. 

With that, Kai was Super Q, Boy of Mystery!

Kai loved his costume. For the first time, he wanted to go trick-or-treating. Again, though, after just a few houses, he wanted to go home. This time, however, after taking a break, he wanted to go back out. We ended up visiting many more houses.

Anticipation grows

Last year, he wanted to be Charlie Brown. His excitement was higher than ever. 

Days ahead of time, he marked up a map of the neighborhood with the route he wanted to take for tricks-or-treat. The day before Halloween, he wanted to walk the route just for practice. 

I think our practice walk would have taken until Thanksgiving if we had actually stopped at every house along the way instead of just walking along. So I was prepared for a long day of trick-or-treating.

On Halloween day, we told Kai that tricks-or-treat would start at 3 PM.  Now when it comes to time, Kai is very precise.  So, he let us know every five minutes how much time was left. As soon as the clock struck 3:00, he was off.  At the first several houses, everyone remarked how “Charlie Brown” was the first trick-or-treater. 

For the first time, my wife and I stayed back toward the street while Kai went up to the door by himself and rang the bell.  Sometimes – more than a few times – he forgot to say “trick-or-treat” and we had to remind him to do so at the next stop.  Other times – more than a few times – he did not say “thank you” and we had to remind him to do so.

I had to remind myself that for a boy with autism, going up to strangers’ houses, ringing their bell and saying “trick or treat” is not something that comes easily. For all the progress that Kai made, he still struggles with basic conversation.  I had to tell myself to be patient as we reminded him for the fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh time to say “thank you.”

There were also times when friendly folks on the street would speak to “Charlie Brown” or ask a simple question and Kai would not respond.  Part of me wanted to explain to them, “He’s not being unfriendly; he has autism and doesn’t have the ability to answer you.”  But, instead, I would either answer for him or just give a simple “thank you.” 

After trick-or-treating down a number of blocks, Kai wanted to go home. I think he was drained from all the socialization. We hadn’t covered nearly as many houses as he had intended to, though it was more than on any previous Halloween.  

In the Peanuts TV special, Charlie Brown ends up with a bag full of rocks and the Great Pumpkin never comes. I wish I could get inside Kai’s head to find out if trick-or-treating lived up to all of his anticipation, or if it felt more like a bag of rocks.

Still, when we look back on past Halloweens, we see how far that Kai has come. Three years ago he only went to three houses and we knew that he would not say anything to anyone. Now, he’s going all around the neighborhood and has raised the bar on our expectations about his communication. 

For us, that’s as good as a visit by the Great Pumpkin himself.