Knock Knock Is No Joke

I heard the familiar knock on our bedroom door. It was 2 a.m. 

I don’t groan anymore when I hear it. I’m too used to it. I just get out of bed and go into the hallway.

My son was waiting for me. He was wide-awake.

Sleep issues among children with autism

The parents of most children endure about a year of poor sleep when their kids are babies. But I’ve hardly had a night of solid sleep since I became a dad. Kai rarely sleeps through the night.

When he was young, I thought that Kai’s sleep issues might have been due to an over-dependence on his mother. Let’s take a tough love approach and don’t coddle him, I advocated. 

But since then I’ve learned that sleep problems are common for kids with autism.

Our son has been seeing a doctor that specializes in treating kids with autism. At one of our visits, the doctor had a test done that showed that Kai has high levels of glutamate, the most excitatory neurotransmitter in the nervous system. Abnormally high amounts can result in disruptive sleep.

Knowing this and treating it are two different things. We have tried melatonin and other natural supplements. We have had Kai do exercises, with the thought that it may tire him out. We have tried relaxation techniques. 

Nothing we tried has worked. 

A few weeks ago, when Kai’s new medication made him lethargic, he did sleep through the night. What was so peculiar was that despite getting a good night’s sleep, he had no energy during the day. Prior to the medication, he was always full of energy all day long no matter how little he slept. Of course, the same could not be said for me. 

Despite finally being able to get some sleep when Kai was lethargic, I wished for my energetic son back. Now that I’ve gotten that wish, I have to again live with having him wake me up in the middle of the night. 

In addition to that, however, the problem has gotten worse. Now, not only does he wake up at night, he also has trouble falling asleep when he is supposed to. 

We go through his bedtime routine of reading a story, turning out the lights, and saying good night. Then, a few minutes later, he pops out of his room. 

After a long day, when my wife and I are looking forward to having a little time of our own, nothing is so deflating as the sound of our son’s door opening. 

But when Kai tells me that he doesn’t know how to sleep, all of the agitation I feel dissipates. How can I be upset when the boy is just unable to fall asleep?

So I will go into his room and try to help him relax. I tell him to close his eyes and stay quiet. We do deep breathing. We listen to Kenny G. 

And it works. On me. Kai, not so much.

Eventually he does fall asleep. Though I know it is just a matter of time before he will wake up.

Knock knock

Last year, when he was all into planets, Kai told me at bedtime one night that the best time to see Jupiter was at 3:30 in the morning. I laughed when he told me, but wasn’t laughing when he knocked on our door right at 3:30 a.m. and said that he wanted to go outside to look at the sky. 

I grumbled at him to go back to bed, wondering whether it was true about Jupiter being easy to spot at that hour. The next morning, I saw him perusing the weather page in our newspaper and found out that along with the weather forecast, they also print the optimal viewing times for each of the planets. For Jupiter, the time listed that day was 3:30 a.m.

We no longer subscribe to that newspaper.

On this night, when he woke up at 2 a.m., he is especially chatty.  I’ve come to realize that on these occasions, if I just tell him to go back to bed, it will only be a matter of time before he comes knocking again.  So, I’ve found that I am better off lying down in the extra bed we have in his bedroom. My presence there seems to settle him and he eventually falls asleep. 

But then he woke up again and started talking, just after I had fallen back asleep myself.

“Dad, what’s your favorite Pokémon?”

Sigh. 

Is it too late to go back to the tough love approach?