Love Overcomes Language Barrier

When Kai was a baby, my wife had hopes of raising him to be bilingual, able to speak my wife’s native language of Japanese as well as English. 

But those dreams ended when Kai was diagnosed with autism.  His therapists told us that it would be hard enough for him to learn to communicate in one language, and that it would not be practical to try to teach him two. Living in this country, there was no doubt that English would be the language of choice. 

But the consequence of that choice was that my wife’s parents, who still live in Tokyo, would find it challenging to communicate with their grandson, since they speak very little English.

At the time, that seemed of little importance. After all, when Kai was two, he still wasn’t speaking any language, Japanese or English. The thought that he might one day be able to speak was a dream.  We would gladly figure out how to bridge that language gap later on, we thought, if it ever came to that.

Well, that time has come. My wife’s father has been visiting us from Japan for the past few weeks.

Jiji’s visit

In Japanese, the word for grandfather is Ojiichan. And that is how we refer to my dad.  We call my wife’s father Jiji, a shortened form of the word.

Jiji visited often during Kai’s first two years, and helped to raise Kai during some difficult times. The communication between them was primarily non-verbal, and mostly in one direction. Jiji comforted Kai when he needed it and gave him tons of love. Kai usually just either cried or sat quietly without responding. But through it all, they built a deep bond.

Since those days, Kai has come a long way. Nowadays he is constantly talking. That has made it harder for his grandfather. 

Most recently, Kai has developed an obsession with Pokémon and can chat nonstop about that subject. Sometimes, it is challenging for those of us with a strong command of English to know what he is talking about. For his grandfather, it is nearly impossible.

But it doesn’t keep Jiji from trying to interact with Kai. 

Using the limited English he knows, my father-in-law will congratulate Kai with a “good job” after a good day at school, or offer encouragement to “eat dinner.” It is hard to tell if Kai understands what his grandfather is saying to him. He rarely responds unless prompted by us, but that is pretty much true with anything we say to him, too.

My own Japanese is pretty limited, so it is hard for me to foster communication between the two of them. And my wife is not always around to translate for everyone. 

So, we have all tried to find other ways to communicate.

More than words

While spoken communication between the two of them is a challenge, I have found that communicating love often does not require words.

At the time of his grandfather’s last visit, Kai was into maps of the world. My father-in-law painstakingly painted each continent on t-shirts for him.

On this visit, Kai has followed his grandfather around the house as he worked on the long list of fix-it items that my wife had for him. Kai wanted to “help” and Jiji patiently worked around Kai’s distractions, smiling at his grandson’s energy. 

In the evening, we have enjoyed our nightly game of Wii. It is a great activity as no words are really necessary to play. (Though when Kai figured out that his grandfather was the best among us at Ping Cup, he proclaimed that from then on, “Jiji, you’re on my team!”)

Since his grandfather has been here, Kai has had his best weeks of school in a long time. His doctor may say that it is because Kai’s medication is now working properly. The staff at school may point out how he is settling in with the school routine.

I won’t disagree with any of that. But I also think that having Jiji here may have something to do with it, too. 

There is something about a grandfather’s love that makes everything a little better.