This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

Surviving a Seven-Year-Old Backseat Driver

How to explain summer traffic to an autistic child with road rage.

I love summer, but I don’t like everything that comes with it. I could live without mosquitos. Or another losing season by the Cubs. 

What I like least is all the road construction and summer traffic. 

Like many families, we spend a lot of time in the car driving our son to his numerous activities. And while no one likes getting stuck in traffic, it is particularly challenging for us.

Find out what's happening in Highland Parkwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

My son, like many kids with autism, has a lot of trouble with waiting. 

Trouble with lines

Find out what's happening in Highland Parkwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

When Kai was three years old, we went to Ravinia for a family festival and he started screaming when there was a short line for a ride and he could not get right on. He only needed to wait for a few minutes, but our attempts to calm him proved futile. When he tried to bang his head on the ground in frustration, and then tried to bite my wife as she held him to keep him safe, we thought it was best to leave.

It was a long time before we again chose to go where we would have to wait in line.

But sometimes you don’t have a choice, and you just can’t avoid situations where you have to wait. Doctors run late for your appointments, events don’t start on time.

And then there's traffic.

Road rage

In the past, something as minor as stopping for a red light would have caused Kai to shout out, “Stupid light!”

But Kai has made a lot of progress, and these days he is able to tolerate waiting much better than before. Just recently, he waited nicely for the doctor for 15 minutes. Of course, he almost tore up the waiting room after that when he had to wait another half hour.

Even with this improvement though, riding around in bad traffic can still bring out the worst in him. Whenever the car is barely moving along, Kai will often start yelling directions to me. 

“Switch lanes!” 

“Turn around!” 

“Go there!”

He becomes a seven-year old backseat driver with road rage.

And when we’re still stuck, guess who is to blame?

“Dad, you’re a bad driver! You’re going to get a timeout!”

A visual reminder

When we mentioned these issues to Kai’s social worker at school, she came up with an idea for us -- keep a visual reminder in the car of what Kai should not do, and along with that, a list of things he can do instead.

With nothing else working, we decided to give it a try. We create a laminated sheet that described two very simple rules for the car:

  1. No shouting, yelling or screaming.
  2. Do not tell the driver how to drive or where to go.

So far, we have found that keeping these car rules handy has been helpful at times. When Kai starts to get upset, we show him these rules and sometimes he quiets down for a while.

But it doesn’t prevent stress all the time.

The other day, my wife was driving with Kai when traffic came to a halt. There was a construction vehicle blocking the road. When it finally moved off to the side, seemingly giving cars enough room to go around, the car in front did not proceed. My wife and Kai waited. It did not go. They waited some more. Still no movement. Finally, it was too much to bear.

For my wife. 

Talking to herself in a voice just loud enough for Kai to hear, she said that the driver of the car should go around the truck as there was plenty of room. Kai spoke up, "Mom, rule number two is ‘do not tell the driver how to drive or where to go.'"

Hah! Now that is the kind of backseat driving we can live with.

The mosquitos are already emerging. The Cubs are losing more games than they win. And, I don’t expect road construction to end anytime soon. 

But, if my son can learn to tolerate waiting in the car, I think I learn to show some patience for my baseball team.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?