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Community Corner

The Role of a Favorite Uncle

The tables are turned for an uncle who became a dad.

I have had ‘Favorite Uncle’ status ever since my nephews were toddlers.

When my sister’s two boys were younger, I played with them endlessly whenever we got together. Although we didn’t see each other often as they live in a different part of the country, I always made the most of the time we had together.

It wasn’t just about fun and games. I also took interest in whatever it was that they were into at the time. 

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They were the ones who introduced me to Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh and even Harry Potter, among other things. And I listened to them as they talked about school and sports and television shows and everything else. They were great kids, and I think they could see that I genuinely loved spending time with them.

And so, I became their favorite uncle. (Our family is quite small so it wasn’t exactly a heated competition.)

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I think there were times when my brother-in-law was just a bit jealous.  Frank kept making comments about how wonderful his kids thought I was. He relayed how they kept saying, “I can’t wait to play with Uncle Yuji!”  In his boys’ eyes, I was perfect, while their own dad was often the target of their criticisms.

What may have made it even tougher for Frank was that not only did I seem perfect to his kids, but they also were very well behaved in my presence, and seemed to do everything I asked them to, even things they resisted with their dad.

Now the boys are grown up and in college. Our relationship has evolved. It’s closer to being peer-to-peer than adult-to-child. They realize now that I am not so perfect, but I think they still think of me as a Favorite Uncle.

But my relationship with my nephews is not the only thing that has changed.  Now that I am the father of a younger child, I’m starting to understand how my brother-in-law felt all those years ago.

Frank has now achieved Favorite Uncle status himself.

Visiting Uncle Frankie

We visited my sister and her family for Thanksgiving. My son couldn’t wait to play with Uncle Frankie. 

“Chase me, Uncle Frankie,” he called out.

Frank would chase Kai. When he caught him, he would pick him up, tickle him and get totally silly. Kai would laugh and laugh, and when Frank put him down, Kai would ask him to do it again.

There was a time when Kai was younger that he and I played like that all the time. But these days, we don’t do it so often.

With me being a disciplinarian more often these days, in my son’s eyes, Dad just isn’t the same fun play partner that I was when he was younger. So, at home, Kai often prefers to spend time on the computer rather than getting silly with Dad.

So seeing Kai laughing so much with his uncle made me a bit wistful for the old days. 

But now that I am a dad, I understand better that that is the role of a Favorite Uncle. You can play with your nephews, have fun and be a role model without having to do too much of the unpleasant things that dads have to do.

Though sometimes a Favorite Uncle can use his status to talk to the child about something they don’t want to hear. Like when Frank spoke to Kai about not saying mean words, and Kai may have even listened to him, at least a little bit.

But, for the most part, dads are there to set the rules and enforce them; uncles are there to have fun with the kids. 

And so, though I am now the one who is a little jealous, I appreciate that my son has someone who can fill that role in his life. 

Everyone needs a Favorite Uncle. Kai has his Uncle Frankie.

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