For the past eleven months, I have been writing about the life of raising a child with autism.  Today’s column will be my last. It has been a pleasure coming to you each week. Writing is cathartic for me, especially when it is about a topic that means as much to me as my son does.  That you came here to read my stories means the world to me. Your feedback has helped carried me through some difficult times, and I thank you very much. Before I sign off, I want to tie up a couple of loose ends.  My son has been doing pretty well of late. He has really been happy. His anger has diminished. He …

Passover doesn’t seem like the kind of holiday that would excite most kids.  There are no presents like on Christmas or Hanukkah. There is no dressing up and collecting candy like with Halloween.  There are no parades or fireworks like the Fourth of July.  But, for our son, it is a glorious time.  We had been invited to Seders since Kai was very young, though it has only been in the past couple of years that he really took an interest. When he was six years old, we got a DVD from the library that explains Passover to children. Chanuka & Passover at Bubbe's featured Muppet-like characters, and…

When I was a kid, there was one thing that distinguished the haves from the have-nots. A box of 64 Crayola Crayons.  Back in those days, portable electronic devices did not exist. So, there was no separation based on whether or not you had the latest iStatusSymbol. Clothing didn’t seem to matter as much as it does these days. No one cared about the label you wore. But the one thing that did divide us was the size of the pack of crayons you brought to school.  Size doesn’t matter? Hmph. It did with us. I was always one of the have-nots. I vaguely recall that I started out with a basic eight-…

I know that most of you parents are aware of the risks of letting your child surf the Internet unsupervised. We certainly were. Yet, we allowed it. Let our experience be a warning for you all. Wanting some time for ourselves Children with autism require more attention than other kids.  We don’t get a break like other parents do when their kids play with friends.  For one thing, Kai does not really have friends. He hardly plays with other children at all. Social interactions are still a challenge for him, and especially so when they involve children.  When we do set up play dates for him, we …

I had it good.  My son was sleeping through the night on a regular basis. That meant that I was getting a full night’s sleep every night for the first time since I became a dad. It felt wonderful to wake up feeling refreshed every morning. And then we changed Kai’s medication. He has not slept through the night since.  We are now back to hearing the familiar knock on our bedroom door in the middle of the night. Sometimes Kai has “interesting” things to say then.  One recent night, he knocked at 11:30 p.m. That meant that I had been asleep for less than an hour.  I accompanied back to his …

In raising a child with autism, I’ve learned that there are many ways in which you need to be patient.  There is shorter-term patience, like when you are trying to teach your child to tie his own shoelaces, for instance. Then there is the longer-term variety, such as when you are trying to find a medication that will help your son. We had Kai on various drugs for anxiety and attention deficits for several months, with little to show for them.  Then, toward the end of last year, we switched over to a drug called Risperidone. For the first time, we saw positive results.  Kai’s aggression …

I am not a patient person. And I am very stubborn. That is not a great combination when you are trying to teach a child with autism how to tie their shoes. Tying shoes a particular challenge for kids with autism Shoelaces. Is there a worse form of torture for parents? I know that teaching any child how to tie their shoes can be a challenge, but it is particularly hard when you have a child with autism.  Many autistic children have difficulty with fine motor skills. Many also have trouble following multi-step directions. My son has come a long way in both regards – for instance, Kai is now …

Valentine’s Day 2004: My wife went into labor while walking along Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago.   She wasn’t my wife at the time, though. It would be two years before I would meet her. * * * * * Rika had just found out that she was pregnant when her husband was diagnosed with cancer. Kevin passed away only a few months later, several weeks before their baby was to be born. Words cannot adequately describe the anguish of losing the love of your life during what was supposed to be one of your happiest times. Suffice it to say that it was traumatic and stressful. Of course, it wasn’t just…

My son’s birthday is coming soon. Which means we have been thinking a lot about birthday parties. His party last year was a real zoo. More on that later. Fun and games, balloons, and cake – who wouldn’t have a great time at a birthday party? Well, my son, sometimes. When Kai was in preschool, he was invited to several parties. But he couldn’t participate the way other kids could. He couldn’t sit still. If there was an organized activity, he had a hard time following along.  He sometimes became frustrated and acted out.  After one of those parties, my wife told me that she couldn’t take it any…

She told me that she was relatively new to the area and had just discovered my articles for Patch. She said that she has twin boys, about a year older than my son. And one of her boys is also named Kai. And her Kai also has autism. A remarkable coincidence, don’t you think?  Wait, there’s more. My wife and I met the woman and her husband for coffee one morning. It turns out that Atsuko is, like my wife, a native of Japan.  And her husband Mike, like me, grew up in the Chicago area.  It was as if we were meant to be together. The challenge of making new friends Making new friends is not …

Before I became a parent, I thought I was an expert on how to raise kids. And I was very “generous” with my knowledge.  Now the shoe is on the other foot.  And I understand just how annoying I must have been. I know that people mean well when they give you advice. I sure did.  And it’s not that I think that I’m a perfect parent who couldn’t use some constructive feedback from time to time. I know that many times an outsider can help you see things that you miss by being involved in all the day-to-day rigors. Sometimes it helps to get another opinion or to talk things out to help crystalize …

The book displayed caught my attention. My son and I were in the children’s section of the public library, just prior to the start of Hanukkah.  Nathan Blows Out the Hanukkah Candles was an amusing title – one that I could relate to.  At past Hanukkahs, Kai has wanted to blow out the candles on our menorah. I grabbed the book and quickly paged through it. It looked like a fun story. At a minimum, it was timely, and I thought that perhaps it would help my son learn a little more about the holiday we would soon be celebrating.  So, I checked the book out and brought it home.  It was only after …

As the year winds up, it seems like everyone is doing a Year in Review for 2011.  And what a year it was. It was the beginning of married life for William and Kate. And the end of the line for bin Laden, Gadhafi, Kim Jong-il and Voldemort.  It was a time of growing unrest, with Time magazine’s Person of the Year being "The Protestor." (What I protest is when they don’t pick an actual person for this honor. But, I digress.) Mother Nature generated numerous headlines, with many affecting my family personally.  Locally, we had the Blizzard of 2011 in February. And in June, our family was one of …

We are one of THOSE types of families. Yes, we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah.  Well, kinda, sorta.  We have a Christmas tree and a menorah. And our Christmas tree has a dreidel ornament. But please don’t ask me too many questions about the Maccabees.  My knowledge only goes so far. My wife and I grew up celebrating Christmas, so the Jewish holidays are still rather new to us. The details of why we now celebrate them are for another time. Suffice to say that we now have dear family members who are Jewish. Because of our joint celebrations, this is a huge week for our son.  The past two…

With Hanukkah and Christmas soon upon us, it brings to mind that my son’s atypical interest in toys can make choosing a gift for him quite a challenge. When I was a toddler, I got a teddy bear that became my best friend. I have vague memories of taking it everywhere. And although a lot has changed since I was a small child, I think most young children today still get a lot of comfort from a favorite stuffed animal. But not my son. When Kai was that age, he never slept with, hugged, or ever even picked up any of the numerous stuffed animals that adoring family members gave him.  Rather, his …

I have had ‘Favorite Uncle’ status ever since my nephews were toddlers. When my sister’s two boys were younger, I played with them endlessly whenever we got together. Although we didn’t see each other often as they live in a different part of the country, I always made the most of the time we had together. It wasn’t just about fun and games. I also took interest in whatever it was that they were into at the time.  They were the ones who introduced me to Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh and even Harry Potter, among other things. And I listened to them as they talked about school and sports and television …

With Thanksgiving upon us, it is time to reflect on what we are thankful for.  Here are my Top Five: 5. Kim Kardashian Before I became the father of a child with special needs, I had much more of my own time. I stayed current on pop culture as I watched a lot more TV back then, and kept up with the entertainment news every day. These days, I am way too busy for that. But every now and then, I still catch bits and pieces of information.  I see that everything that Kim Kardashian does somehow passes for big news in the pop culture world these days. And when I see that, I am thankful. I am …

Anyone who has tried to talk with my son could easily see that Kai needs speech therapy. Yet his health insurer has now deemed that it is not necessary. I have written about my son’s chatterbox personality, and the progress he has made from a boy who once did not speak long after most of his peers were talking. But Kai still has a long way to go with his communication skills. His conversations run mostly one way. While he can talk endlessly about Pokémon, he has trouble answering questions that require him to say more than a few words. He rarely is able to give us even the most basic details …

Over the past several weeks, my son has wanted to quit soccer, karate and piano lessons, among other things. Going back further, you could throw swim lessons in there, too. And when he wants to quit, it is not like Kai comes to us and calmly tells us that he is getting tired of the activity or that he’d rather do something else. Instead he often makes a public spectacle. At one of his first soccer games earlier in the fall, he became frustrated and started shouting that he wanted to go home, that he hates soccer, and that he never was going to play it again. I told him that he could take a …

My wife is not the camping type.  Before I came along, she had never gone camping in her life, nor did she ever intend to. She prefers pillow-top mattresses to sleeping bags, spas to campgrounds. The only kind of hiking she enjoys is through the mall to get to the sales at her favorite stores.  So I suppose it says something about our relationship that, two years ago, I felt secure enough to bring up the idea of possibly going on a camping trip.  I’m not exactly Mr. Outdoors myself, but I have fond memories of camping from when I was a child. There was something special about sleeping in a …