'Vetting' My Options With My Animal Care

I write this column with my tail between my legs.

It shames me to admit that as much as I love my two adorable standard poodles, Bialy and Bloom, each time we visit the vet I do a mental calculation analyzing the cost-benefit analysis of keeping my pooches healthy. I’m not proud of this fact, but I do believe I am not alone. I conducted an informal survey of other members of the pet owning population, and there was a collective moan at the high cost of veterinary care and preventative medications. 

My most recent trip to the vet, for 11-year old Bloom, resulted in a $1,000 bill for the removal of a suspicious growth (turned out to be benign) and follow-up meds. There was also a little dental work in the form of an extraction of a cracked molar. The good news is that Bloom wasn’t referred to a canine orthodontist. To save a few bucks I was going to remove her stitches myself, but fortunately for her I found out stitch removal was part of the package deal.

This is the same dog that, one year earlier, limped her way into a $425 x-ray, which confirmed that she had fractured her dewclaw (also known as the thumb toe). The vet gave us the option of either: a) amputating the toe, b) surgically setting the toe, or c) doing nothing. Fortunately I went to the visit without my children and was able to choose “Option C” without getting harassed for my notorious frugality when it comes to the family pet. Had my eldest been with me, we would have ended up at a veterinary plastic surgeon and a prescription for six-months of physical therapy. Bloom, the dog in question, was better in less than a week. Gotta love Option C.

The thumb toe x-ray was conducted at the Veterinary Specialty Center in Buffalo Grove. If you have never been there, you probably have some spending money left in your pocket, but you have not seen the unbelievable list of specialties offered. It’s like visiting the Mayo Clinic for dogs and cats.  Here is a partial list of medical specialties they offer, in addition to the standard internal medicine and routine surgery options.  

• Nephrology
• Oncology
• Neurology
• Cardiology
• Dermatology

• Imaging and Radiology

1.   Diagnostic /Radiology/Fluoroscopy
2.   Sonography
3.   Computed Tomography (CT Scan)
4.   Scintigraphy/Nuclear Medicine
5.   Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)
6.   Radioiodine Therapy
7.   Interventional Radiology
8.   PACS Teleradiology

• Rehabilative Therapy 

1. Underwater treadmill
2. Class IV 12W cold laser therapy
3. Therapeutic ultrasound and massage
4. Pulsed signal therapy
5. Heat and cold compression therapy
6. Therapeutic exercises

• Holistic Medicine

1. Acupuncture
2. Electro-acupuncture
3. Aquapuncture
4. Chiropractic 
5. Nutritional counseling
6. Nutraceutical supplementation
7. Herbology

There’s also a complimentary Grief Clinic. I know this is for mourning pet owners, but is there a counselor available for those of us in shock when we get the bill?

I confess that although I chuckle at the list of specialists in areas I wouldn’t even consider for the humans living under my roof (Herbology? Is that performed by Professor Sprout from Harry Potter?), I have been known to succumb to the sucker factor when it comes to my dogs. I actually once paid $100 to have a telephone consultation between a “Pet Communicator” and my poodles. Yes, this woman telepathically conversed with the dogs via the phone line by using mental images sent between her and my sleeping canines. She then told me what they said and instructed me in all the ways I could be a better mother to them. Apparently my dogs filed a complaint that I wasn’t changing their water frequently enough and that is why they dug up the yard.

Did the telephone-voodoo-mentalist therapy work? I’m not willing to say yes, but the dogs did stop digging.

But back to the delicate balancing act of love for my pets versus costs for their care. I love my dogs. I want them healthy and happy and comfortable. But as they get older and older, and the ailments pile up, let’s just say I’m glad there’s “Option D.”